


I'm Gonna Love You For a Long Time

by hwrites



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Slow Burn, Teenage Pregnancy, a "Love Rosie" AU, it just takes a little while, the long winding road of life, they get there eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:42:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21531658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwrites/pseuds/hwrites
Summary: Enthralled, captivated, by the idea of his lips upon hers, she leans in once more.They go back and forth for what feels like forever. One of them leans in and the other stills, but they don’t actually kiss.But she can’t do this. Not with this many secrets between them.Scott exhales and pulls away. Tessa blinks open her eyes lazily, like she’s waking up from a deep sleep, or maybe the best dream she’s ever had.
Relationships: Scott Moir & Tessa Virtue, Scott Moir/Tessa Virtue
Comments: 16
Kudos: 54





	I'm Gonna Love You For a Long Time

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on "Love, Rosie." If you haven't watched it, I highly recommend it. 
> 
> The first time I watched it, I knew I had to make it a fic somehow. I don't own the plot to "Love, Rosie."

Tessa smiles as Alma taps her knife against her glass. She’s wearing a dress that she’s not particularly fond of, one that she found on sale a few days ago, having completely forgotten about the wedding due to the fact that Ella’s birthday is right around the corner.

She clears her throat, her fingers tightening around the paper that she’s clutching. Her eyes flit around the room, looking at all of the people staring at her. 

_You can do this, it’ll be okay._

Closing her eyes for a moment, she allows herself to remember everything they’ve been through. How they met as kids, have always been in each other’s lives. They grew up next door to each other, their mothers having been best friends who got pregnant at the same time, and maybe it was fate or something else that they’re where they are now.

The many, many drafts of this speech (most of which she wrote on her way over here, if she’s totally and completely honest, scribbled them on the back of tear-stained napkins) didn’t feel right. Even the speech she’s giving now doesn’t feel right.

None of this feels right, and yet, it’s her reality.

In kindergarten, Scott had given her half of his peanut butter sandwich after she’d dropped hers on the ground, and that’s the first memory she has of him. The one that cemented their friendship, because they’d of course been friends before that, had been at every birthday party and play date set up by their mothers.

They would lay in her room and point at the stars glued to her ceiling, talk about how cool it would be to see the world together.

“Why stop at just the world, T?” Scott had asked her once, his voice filled with child-like wonder as he turned to look at her. They were ten, and it was one of those nights where they talked about traveling, her hand poised in the air as she pointed out the constellations.

Her hand froze, and her heart stopped beating for a second, she was sure of it. “What do you mean?”

_Hopefully he doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to travel with me anymore._

“We can travel the whole _galaxy_ , become astronauts and see these stars for real.”

She laughed, rolled over on her back to continue looking at the glowing stars. “Or we could just grab the telescope from our garage and see the stars that way. It’d be much easier.”

His eyes lit up, and, despite the fact that it was almost four in the morning, they clambered down the stairs and tiptoed outside, grabbed the old telescope out of the garage, and stood on the back porch, taking turns giggling and looking at the stars, which winked above them.

“You’re my North Star, you know that, right?” Scott had whispered to her while she leant down to peer into the telescope again.

“What do you mean?” she asked, tearing her gaze from the telescope to look at him quizzically.

He had always been into astronomy. Way more than her, anyway.

“Wherever I am in life, I know that you’ll always be there for me. Like how you just look at the North Star and know that it’s always going to be there.”

She smiled at him, looked at the moonlight reflected in his eyes and how the night cloaked his skin. “You’re my North Star, too.”

Looking back, it’s just one of those things kids said to each other, she’s sure of it. It’s not like he remembers saying it, anyway, and it’s just a memory that’s come up now because she’s nostalgic and longing for a time where things were simpler.

She meets his eyes last and starts talking when he nods his head at her.

“Everyone, if I could have your attention! I’m so – So honored to be here, really. Scott is my best friend, has been ever since we were both in kindergarten and, well, I promised him I wouldn’t tell any embarrassing stories tonight since he’s getting married and all. In fact, I can’t remember a time when he hasn’t been in my life . . .”

_10 years earlier_

_August 2008_

The bass of a song she vaguely recognizes blare through the speakers, so loudly that Tessa can’t even hear herself think. 

It’s her 18th birthday, which means that by (most of) Canada’s standards, she’s of legal drinking age. This wouldn’t be a problem, except she wishes now that she hadn’t drank so much.

There are people everywhere, dancing to the beat of the song, and Scott, her best friend, is dancing beside her. It’s not a slow song that they’re dancing to, and upon listening closer, she realizes that it’s the Spice Girls’ “Wannabe.”

“ _If you wanna be my lover_ ,” Scott sings loudly and slightly off-key, then he looks at her seriously. “Please don’t get with my friends.”

Tessa laughs as she sets her hands on his waist, pulls herself closer to him. “ _If you wanna be my lover_. . . you could always kiss me?”

He presses his lips to hers in a scorching kiss as a response, his lips moving in time with hers, his nose pressed up against her cheek, his hand coming up to rest against her cheek.

Oh, God. 

No. 

She pulls away from him, knowing that she has to throw up, which isn’t something she can do right now.

She has to find a bathroom, and fast.

Tessa intends to go to the bathroom, except she doesn’t quite make it there, instead spilling the contents of her stomach – mostly alcohol and very little food – in her lap and onto the table she’s passing in her hurry.

Then she trips on the leg of a nearby chair and goes careening towards the ground, wakes up the next morning buried underneath her pink polka-dot covers with a pounding headache.

The front door to the Virtue house opens soon after, hitting the wall so loudly that she can hear it from her room at the top of the stairs, and she pulls the covers over her head with a wince, blocking out the noise and the pounding in her ears.

“Hey, Mrs Virtue. How’s she feeling?” Scott’s voice is loud, but soft, too, sounds slightly muted from where she's lying now. He must not have climbed the stairs yet.

“I haven’t seen her all day, I’m guessing she’s been asleep,” Tessa’s mother replies.

“You know, it’s my fault that this even happened. I was just so excited that T is finally 18, finally old enough to drink –”

Kate’s laughter fills the air, short and filled with a tinge of bitterness. She’s still clearly not happy with the outcome of last night, and Tessa’s stomach churns. “Scott, this would’ve happened whether you were there to stop it or not.”

“Well, still, I was there. I could’ve done something to help.”

“Don’t even worry about it, okay? She’s fine now.”

He doesn’t say anything back, nods probably, because his footsteps are loud as he ascends the stairs seconds later.

“Hey, T! How’s my favorite 18-year-old?” Scott exclaims as he throws open her door.

“You don’t have to shout, you know,” Tessa grumbles, throwing back the covers and pressing the heels of her palms to her eyes. Sunlight streams in through her windows, and the clock on her nightstand tells her that she slept well into the day. “Besides the pounding headache, alright, I guess. Did I swallow a desert last night? My mouth is so dry. And my mother is very obviously pissed at me, as she should be.”

“Listen, Kiddo. You only turn 18 once, I’m sure your mother will get over it.”

She shrugs as he nudges the cup of water that’s next to her. Her hand juts out to stop it from tipping over at the same time his does. He pulls his hand away just before their fingers touch, and when silence falls between them, something feels different, a thing that she can’t quite name. “I hope so.”

He lies down next to her, stares at the ceiling. “Do you remember anything from last night?”

“Oh, God, yeah. It’s all so embarrassing. Please don’t tell anyone about it, okay? No one can know about last night.”

Her best friend doesn’t answer.

“Scott, promise?” She holds out her hand between them, waits for him to lace his fingers in-between hers, and, after a heartbeat, he does.

A strange look passes across his face, but she blinks so she doesn’t notice it.

“You know Kaitlyn Weaver?” he asks eventually, sitting up and tugging her up with him.

Tessa snorts. “You mean the girl you’ve been gushing about for months? Yeah, did you finally muster up the courage to do something other than make eye contact with her?”

The grin that lights up his face is so bright that she has to look away from him. “She got a job teaching at the rink with me.”

Her eyebrows shoot up into her hairline and are now lost in space, probably. “You’re teaching with Kaitlyn Weaver? Your longtime crush? I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Well, she’s coming to my birthday party in a few weeks, you’ll get to meet her then.”

“I can’t wait,” she tells him, and finds that she means it.

“Hey, T?”

“Hm?”

“I really think that she likes me. And I like her too, obviously. I just wanted you to know, because . . .”

“Because?”

He scratches the back of his neck. “Well, I want her to be my girlfriend. And that means that, um, our friendship circle isn’t going to be just us anymore, Kaitlyn will be included.”

“That’s fine,” she replies, not knowing the impact that it will have on their friendship. Neither of them has ever been in serious relationships before, and she’s pretty sure that Scott is serious about Kaitlyn. “As long as you don’t tell me every tiny detail of your sex life.”

He rolls his eyes. “T, you know I’m a virgin.”

“Yeah, because I know everything about you, but if you guys start having sex, I don’t necessarily want every gory detail.”

“You think that having sex with me would be gory?”

Tessa scrunches up her nose as she glances at him. “Scott, you’re my best friend. I don’t think I’ve ever thought about having sex with you, no offense.”

“Why would I take offense to that? I haven’t thought about sex with you, either.”

“And I didn’t mean gory in, like, a horror movie sense. I meant it as in, I don’t want every minuscule detail of you and Kaitlyn’s hypothetical sex life.”

He laughs. “I know what you meant, I was just teasing you.”

“Right,” she mumbles, her gaze flickering from his face to the sunlight streaming in through the blinds, and she promptly forgets that conversation.

Scott’s party is here before she knows it, and when she gets there, the first thing she says to him (after “Happy birthday!” obviously) is:

“So, is Kaitlyn here yet?”

He smiles, takes a sip of his drink. “Yeah, she got here about 15 minutes ago. Do you want to meet her?”

“Is the Earth round? Of course I want to meet her.”

With a laugh, he closes the front door behind her. His parents out and there’s only a few of his friends over, and as they walk through the living room to the kitchen, Scott talks. “So, you know Homecoming is coming up in a few weeks, right?”

“Yeah, Carl Jenkins asked me this morning. I said no, of course, since you and I are going together.”

He’s quiet. “Kaitlyn mentioned last week that she wanted me to ask her.”

Tessa almost stops walking. It’s been a tradition every year for them to go to every school dance together, why stop in their senior year? “Oh, what did you tell her?”

“I didn’t say anything. Figured I’d talk to you first.”

“You should ask her. I’m sure she’d really, really like that.”

Her best friend pushes open the door to the kitchen. “Yeah? You think so?”

“I know so. Any girl would be lucky to go with you, and if your crush mentioned that she wants to go with you? Damn, you have to ask her now.”

“I can’t ask her at my own birthday party, T. Isn’t that too self-centered?”

She shrugs. “You could always tell her that all you want for your birthday is for her to go to the dance with you.”

 _Which probably isn’t a lie_ , Tessa thinks.

“I’m scared that she’s going to say no.”

“Why would she say no after she suggested you ask her?”

He doesn’t say anything. “What are you going to do?”

“Go with Carl, maybe. Would it be bad to say yes after I’ve already said no?”

“No, considering he’s practically in love with you. I’m pretty sure he was hiding a boner underneath his notebook the other day in Calculus when you were talking to him.”

“Scott!” she chastises as he leads her down to the basement, where the party is taking place. 

The Moir’s have a large, sprawling basement, all white walls and light-colored hardwood floors. Some of the guests are sitting around the TV, talking and eating. Others are by the pool table.

“What? I’m just _saying_.”

She doesn’t respond as they reach the bottom of the stairs. Tessa has never met Kaitlyn, but she’s seen plenty of pictures from Scott (and late nights looking through her Instagram, but no one needs to know that), so that when a tall girl with long, blonde hair comes into view, she’s sure that it’s none other than Kaitlyn Weaver, the girl who’s been the object of Scott’s affections for so long.

“Kaitlyn,” Scott greets, laying a hand on her arm. She turns to look at him and notices Tessa standing beside him.

“Hi, Scott. Oh, you must be Tessa,” Her lips curl into something resembling a smile, except it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m Kaitlyn, I’ve heard so much about you.”

Tessa laughs, although it sounds fake. There’s nothing she can do about it now, she supposes. “Yep, that’s me. I’ve heard a lot about you, too.”

“Scott, do you want to join our game of pool?” Kaitlyn asks, her eyes sparkling as the two of them smile at each other.

“Actually, could we talk for a second? There’s something I want to ask you.”

They brush past Tessa and head for the corner of the room near the stairs, the one that no one’s near. 

Judging by the way Scott’s wringing his hands together nervously, he’s about to ask her to the dance.

Judging by the smile that lights up Kaitlyn’s face and the kiss she presses to his cheek, she’s said yes.

Tessa tears her gaze away from them and makes her way to the pool table when she bumps into someone.

“Tessa,” Andrew Pojé says, and she smiles at him.

“Hey, Andrew. I wasn’t sure you’d be here.”

He and Scott play on their school’s soccer team together, and Tessa knows of Andrew since she’s gone to as many games as she can.

“Yeah, of course. Hey, I was just wondering . . . Any chance you’d want to go to Homecoming with me?”

She smiles at him. “Yeah.”

He beams. “God, I was so nervous to ask you.”

“Why?”

“I was worried you were going to say that you’re going with Moir.”

“Oh, no, I’m pretty sure he’s going with someone else.”

When she looks back at the corner near the stairs, Kaitlyn and Scott are gone.

It’s a few weeks before the dance, and Tessa and Scott are in study hall.

They sit across the room from each other, because for some reason the teacher has everyone sit alphabetically, and since they’re not allowed to talk, everyone is on the computer.

She has a Google document open, one that she shares with Scott. They’ve always done this, had a running Google doc going and typing out their conversations since they can’t text in the middle of study hall.

Currently, she’s in the middle of studying for a math exam but keeps the tab open to check every few seconds. When a new message pops up, she clicks over to the document.

**Hey, Tess. Guess who’s no longer a virgin?**

Her eyes widen so much she’s surprised that they don’t fall out of her head.

_Um, you?_

**Yeah. It happened last night.**

Her palms are sweaty as she types, _with who?_

 _Please not Kaitlyn_ , she thinks.

His response comes seconds later.

**Kaitlyn Weaver.**

_Fuck._

She doesn’t realize she’s typed it until she hears Scott’s surprised laughter from across the room. 

She deletes the message and closes out of the tab before she can think about it anymore.

Tessa hasn’t talked to Scott in a few weeks, since he told her that he had sex with Kaitlyn. Not for any specific reason, just because they haven’t seen each other, really. She’ll pass by his locker to say good morning, only to see that he’s already talking to Kaitlyn.

“Hey, Virtch.”

She turns around to him standing in the doorway of her room. It’s the night of the Homecoming dance, and she wasn’t expecting to see him until she got there. Or at all tonight, really.

“Hey, Scott. What – What are you doing here?”

“I’m picking you up for the dance,” he replies. “Like we’d talked about, remember?”

Oh. Right.

She vaguely remembers what he’s talking about, that he’d pick her up for the dance since they lived right next to each other and it would just be easiest.

“Yeah,” she answers softly. “I’m not ready yet, though.”

And she isn’t, is in fact in nothing but a robe, her curling wand wrapped around a chunk of her hair.

“It’s okay. Take your time. I’m sorry we’ve haven’t talked much, I’ve been really busy.”

“That’s alright, I’ve been busy too. How’s Kaitlyn?”

Scott’s eyes light up. “Really, really good.”

The thing is, the two of them have never let the fact that they’re busy get in the way of their friendship. Before this, they haven’t gone more than a week without talking, and that was because Scott went on vacation with his family and didn’t have any Wi-Fi.

So, the fact that they haven’t talked recently feels weird.

“Cool.”

“What’ve you been up to recently?” he asks, taking a seat on her bed. 

For a moment, she thinks about what would happen if she lies. Probably nothing, it’s not like he would know. She could tell him that she’s been hanging around Andrew a lot, in an effort to get to know him more before the dance. Except she’s never lied to him before, not about anything serious, anyway. And this feels pretty serious.

She meets his eyes in the mirror as she lets her hair fall from the curling wand, wraps another piece around it, and decides to tell the truth. “Not much.”

Tessa goes into her closet, takes her dress off the hanger, and goes down the hall to the bathroom to change.

“Scott,” she asks, coming into the room. “Do you think I should wear a bra with this dress?”

It’s not a strange question; they know absolutely everything there is to know about each other.

She’s busy putting lipstick on, so she doesn’t notice the look on his face, the way he studies her for a moment. The dress she’s chosen is emerald green, the color of her eyes. It doesn’t quite reach her knees, has gold sequins threaded into the top that bring out her eyes, she thinks.

He clears his throat. “Um, that depends.”

Her eyebrows furrow. “On?”

“If you want to wear a bra. You’ve said before that it’s uncomfortable.”

She debates this. “Yeah, you’re right. No bra it is.”

“I love your dress, T. Love that it’s emerald green, matches your eyes. Don’t go making me fall in love with you,” he jokes.

Tessa laughs. “I won’t, I promise. Plus, I’ve known you since we were in diapers, wouldn’t that be a bit weird?”

“Honestly, yeah.”

Once they get to the school, Andrew is waiting for her by the front of the school.

“See you later, T,” Scott tells her, and she waves back at him with a smile.

“Whoa, Tessa,” her date says when she reaches him. “You look good.”

“Thanks, so do you.”

“Shall we?” he asks, gesturing to the front doors, which are propped open due to the line of people waiting to get in.

“Let’s,” she replies with a smile.

Later, when everyone’s out on the dance floor, Andrew leans in close and has to whisper in her ear due to how loud the music is.

“Do you want to get out of here?” he asks.

 _I want to say hi to Scott first_ , she almost answers, but then her eyes land on him. He’s dancing with Kaitlyn and they’re kissing.

Tessa supposes that’s not really dancing and is just . . . kissing.

She turns back to Andrew. “Yeah.”

The hotel that they’re staying at isn’t a far walk from where the dance is. As Tessa tries to think of something to fill the silence, Andrew does first.

“You look really nice in that dress, Tessa.”

“Thank you.”

“This might be a bit forward of me, but do you want to have sex?”

She glances at him. “Tonight?”

“Tonight.”

“Yeah. It’ll be my first time, though.”

He smiles softly at her and takes her hand. “We can go slow, okay?”

She nods. “Okay.”

As they make their way up to their room, Andrew is still holding her hand. He talks about what a good time he had at the dance, and, after the elevator has stopped at their floor and they are standing in front of their door, he turns to her.

“Can I kiss you, Tessa?”

She nods and laughs into the kiss as his nose bumps hers.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, kissing her while trying to get the keycard in the door.

“Don’t worry about it,” she answers, before pulling away and holding out her hand for the keycard to the room, which Andrew hands over to her.

The door opens seconds later, and the first thing she does is make her way to the bathroom. She goes to the bathroom before standing in front of the mirror for several long moments, lost in thought. Truth be told, she’s a little nervous about having sex, but isn’t everyone their first time?

Then she remembers how Andrew smiled at her earlier and told her they’d go slow, which makes her feel a little bit better.

“Tessa? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, just . . .”

_Quick, think of something._

Her dress is on the floor before she can think any more about it, and she pulls open the door, standing in front of Andrew in only her underwear.

His eyes roam her body, and she has to fight the urge to cross her arms over her chest.

“Wow. You’re beautiful, Tessa,” he whispers, and then he takes her hand and leads her over to the bed, all while nerves bounce around in her stomach.

“Do you want me to go into the bathroom to change?” he asks, and she shakes her head.

“No, that’s okay. It’s nice that you’re asking though.”

“Yeah, of course. I want you to be comfortable.”

She lies back against the pillow as he undresses, and then her eyes rest on him as he sits on the side of the bed. Tessa crawls over to him and peers over his shoulder to see that Andrew is struggling with opening the condom.

“Have you done this before?” she asks quietly, as the tiny foil package slips from his fingers and falls to the ground.

“Yeah. Oh! I got it open, okay, okay.”

She suppresses laughter as she lies back down again. He climbs over her, settles his arms on either side of her head.

“Are you ready, Tessa?”

Once she says that she is, he puts the condom on and thrusts into her a few times, before groaning against her neck and collapsing on top of her.

“You okay?” Andrew asks a few minutes later, as he gets up to throw away the condom.

 _It took you longer to open the condom than it did for you to come_ , she thinks, but certainly doesn’t say that out loud.

“Yeah,” she answers, feeling distracted.

“Oh, shit.”

“What?”

“The condom, it broke.”

She sits up. “Just now?”

“Probably when we were still, you know.”

_Oh._

“Fuck,” she swears.

“Just remember to get the morning after pill, there’s nothing you can do about it right now.”

She swallows hard. “True.”

Once he’s asleep, Tessa lies awake for a long time before she finally reaches for her phone.

_Tessa | 2:32 a.m._

_Is sex supposed to be enjoyable?_

The response is immediate.

**Scott | 2:32 a.m.**

**Yeah, why?**

_Tessa | 2:33 a.m._

_Andrew and I just had sex_

_And it wasn’t enjoyable. Not that it was bad (everything was consensual, I promise) but it was just . . . over quicker than I’d expected?_

**Scott | 2:35 a.m.**

**I’m sorry your first time wasn’t magnificent, T**

At this, she can’t help but laugh loudly, once. Then she whips her head over to see that she didn’t wake up Andrew.

_Tessa | 2:35 a.m._

_It’s okay, nothing you can do about it_

_Oh, and Andrew mentioned something about going to a hockey game with one of his friends tomorrow morning. Can you bring me home?_

**Scott | 2:37 a.m.**

**Of course. Goodnight, Tess**

_Tessa | 2:41 a.m._

_Goodnight_

“I need the morning after pill,” she says as she climbs into the passenger seat of Scott’s car the next morning.

He raises his eyebrows. “Good morning to you, too, Tessa.”

She glares at him. “This is serious.”

“I didn’t say it wasn’t. But maybe warn me first, okay? We’ll get you one ASAP.”

Tessa deflates with relief. “Thank God. I could hardly sleep last night. And Andrew left this morning before I even woke up.”

“How’s he doing?”

“He was nice about everything . . . Except when it actually came to having sex. He just like, put the condom on, and then pulled out as–”

“Say no more, T.”

They drive along in silence.

“Hey, what do you think about getting out of here?” Scott asks once they’re on the way home from Walmart, where she’d ran in to buy the morning after pill.

“Um, out of where? Toronto? Scott, we’re not even out of school yet.”

“Not yet. My dad wants me to apply to the University of Southern California, and I think you should too. We can be on the West Coast together.”

“That would be really fun,” she says. “I’m not sure my parents would go for it though.”

“They have a good English program, which is something I know you’ve wanted to do, be an author.”

“Well, yeah. But I’ve never thought about studying in the US before.”

“Just think about it, okay? And talk to your parents.”

“Absolutely not,” Tessa’s mother tells her two weeks later.

“Why not?” she asks, looking back and forth between her parents.

“California is way too far away, we’ll never see you. Jim, back me up here.”

Her father shrugs. “It can’t hurt to apply. Besides, Scott will be there too.”

“Exactly! And Mom, you’ll see me, just . . . only at Christmas and in the summer. I want to be a writer, and I think USC is the perfect place to help me do that. Imagine all of the opportunities I could have, studying in Los Angeles!”

“She’s right about that, Kate.”

Her mother seems to consider this. She sighs. “If that’s what you want to do, I’m not going  
to stop you.”

A few weeks later, Tessa is coming up the front steps when she notices that the mail has already arrived. Usually it doesn’t come until the middle of the afternoon, long after she’s been home from school, but it’s apparently come early, since she’s just gotten home from school.

She eagerly flips through the mail right there on the front porch, the front door open and forgotten as she throws all of the letters onto the ground. She knows that she’ll have to pick them up, but once she sees the USC emblem on the last letter, that doesn’t matter anymore.

She tears it open, heart pounding and hands shaking.

_Dear Tessa,_

_Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that . . ._

Letter still in hand and front door still open, she runs over to Scott’s next door, so fast that she’s not even sure her feet touched the ground.

“Hi, Alma!” she says once she sees her best friend’s mother. “Is Scott home? I really need to speak to him.”

“Not at the moment, dear. I’ll let him know you were here though, okay?”

“Thanks.”

With that, she turns around and goes back to her own house.

Tessa wakes up the next morning and her stomach churns. She barely makes it over to the trash can in the corner of her room before she’s throwing up.

Oh no.

This is the fourth day in a row that this has happened, she should probably schedule an appointment with her doctor.

Her gaze flickers over to the calendar on her wall, the one above her desk, which she can see from her spot on the floor. According to the calendar, she should’ve started her period two weeks ago, which means . . .

_Fuck._

Twenty minutes later, Tessa is pacing around the bathroom at Walmart, two pregnancy tests resting on the counter.

Just in case. If it’s one then it might not be accurate, and she doesn’t want that. She wants to know, but of course the tests won’t be able to tell her that right away. Only a doctor truly can tell her.

“I’m on my lunch break,” Meagan, the cashier who sold her the tests, says loudly as she makes her way into the bathroom. “And you seem like you want someone in here. Please stop pacing. It’s making me nervous.”

“There’s only one minute left,” Tessa replies, stopping her pacing and looking at Meagan.

She has long, curly, brown hair and a kind smile. Despite the fact that the two only met this morning, Tessa doesn’t feel uncomfortable having her here. In fact, it’s nice to have company right now.

She was too afraid to tell any of her family, which is why she came to Walmart all by herself.

“It’s going to be okay, Tessa. Just breathe. No matter what happens, it’s going to be okay.”

“What if they’re positive?” she asks, and Meagan lifts her shoulders up and down, giving her a look.

“Well, what do you want to do?”

“I – I don’t know. I was planning on going to USC, but now I can’t do that if . . .”

“You could give the baby up for adoption.”

“That’s an option. Why are we even talking about this? They might not even be positive.” 

There’s a sinking feeling in her stomach, though. Something that’s telling her that it probably is positive.

The words have just left her mouth as she watches the hand on the clock hit three minutes.  
She glances at Meagan, nods, and the two of them make their way over to the counter.

“Oh,” is all Tessa can think to say.

Two tiny plus signs are blinking back at her.

_Tessa | 5:32 p.m._

_Scott, are you there?_

_I came by earlier, but your mom said that you weren’t home_

_I have something to tell you_

_It’s important_

The response doesn’t come until the next morning.

**Scott | 6:45 a.m.**

**Kaitlyn and I are on a weekend trip for our anniversary, sorry :( Talk to you later**

_I really need to talk to you_ , she types out, but deletes it before she actually hits ‘send.’

Tessa wants to tell Scott. Really, she does.

Every time she tries to tell him, she doesn’t have the words. Doesn’t know how to tell him that she’s going to be a mother, because she can’t quite believe it herself.

She hasn’t even told her parents yet, but eventually, she tells them two weeks later, blurts it out over dinner one night.

Her mom stares at her, shocked. Her dad drops his fork. Kevin and Casey, her older brothers, share a stunned look.

“I’m already planning to give it – the baby – up for adoption, so you don’t have to worry,” she rushes to explain, averting her eyes from her parents.

It takes them another few weeks to come around to her being pregnant, and by the time they do, she still hasn’t told Scott. She’s even started showing, the tiniest bit.

Honestly, Tessa never even thought she’d want kids. Well, that’s not true. She just hasn’t ever thought about it. Instead, her daydreams were full of her name being at the bottom of bestselling novels, touring the world with her books.

But she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a little excited. Even if she’s eventually put the baby up for adoption, she thinks it’s okay if she’s excited about it.

It’s not like life comes with a handbook, with a Table of Contents that has different things to feel in certain situations. No, part of the beauty of life is figuring it all out, although it’s also part of the hardship.

Out of the blue at the beginning of February, just after Valentine’s Day, a text pops up on her phone.

**Scott | 8:12 p.m.**

**Hey, T! Do you want to meet for coffee tomorrow? I have really important news :)**

_Tessa | 8:12 p.m._

_Of course_

_I have something to tell you, too_

When she meets him for coffee the next morning, she gets to the café ten minutes early. He gets there ten minutes late, grinning and holding an envelope.

“I haven’t seen you in so long, T, I’m sorry. Kaitlyn and I have just been so busy, plus, well . . . Here.” He takes her hand and presses the envelope around it. Scott’s eyes are sparkling, and her stomach drops. “Open it.”

It’s been torn open already, which makes her stomach hurt even more. She’d called the USC Admissions office last week and deferred her admission, considering she’ll be giving birth in July and doesn’t want to make the move so soon after having the baby.

As her eyes drink in the words on the page, she can’t help but grin. “Scott! You got in, that’s amazing!”

“Have you heard back yet?”

She swallows hard. This will be the first – well, second, she reminds herself as she blinks away the tears that begin to form at the edges of her eyes – serious thing that she’s ever lied to him about. “No, not yet.”

“I’m sure you will soon. There’s no way you didn’t get in, T. You know, you should book your flight soon. I’m leaving to go on a tour of campus next week, come with me.”

The tears threaten to fall, and a watery smile makes its way onto her face. “I will.”

“What was it that you had to tell me?” Scott asks, concerned evident in his voice.

“Oh, um, I don’t remember. I think it was just a funny story I heard in class yesterday or something.”

He doesn’t question it any further.

 _He’s just too excited about USC_ , she tells herself, as he talks about Kaitlyn and how they have a date later tonight.

_I don’t want to ruin his good mood._

_I’ll tell him._

_Eventually._

_I have to._

Before she knows it, it’s a week later and she’s dropping him off at the airport.

“Be safe, okay? Call me as soon as you land so I know that you’ve made it.”

Scott laughs and drops his bag on the ground as they stand in front of the airport. She’s parked in a temporary parking spot and doesn’t have much time, but she wants to make sure he knows how important this is to her, that he lets her know he’s safe.

She doesn’t even know why she’s freaking out about this. Maybe it’s because she’s a mother now, but – No. She can’t think like that. She isn’t going to be the one to raise this baby. Which is why she hasn’t given the baby a name yet, not even in her head. The Baby is what she’s saying, to not let herself get attached.

“It’ll be fine, T. I’ll only be gone a few weeks. In fact, I’ll be home before you even realize I’m gone. You don’t need to be so worried, okay?”

“I’ll always worry about you,” she replies truthfully, her voice barely above a whisper.

Her best friend touches his forehead to hers and laughs again. “Thanks, T. I always worry about you too.”

She knows that she should tell him, she just can’t bring herself to. About all of it: her USC deferral, the pregnancy. Not now, when he’s about to leave to go to California. They won’t be able to talk while he’s there, and she doesn’t want to tell him this news and then not even give them the chance to talk about it.

Tessa closes her eyes. “I miss you.”

“I haven’t even left yet,” Scott’s voice is gentle and soft.

She leans in, eyes still closed. Swears that his breath hitches in his throat, but then, she feels his forehead push against hers.

He’s leaning in, too.

Enthralled, captivated, by the idea of his lips upon hers, she leans in once more. 

They go back and forth for what feels like forever. One of them leans in and the other stills, but they don’t actually kiss.

But she can’t do this. Not with this many secrets between them.

Scott exhales and pulls away. Tessa blinks open her eyes lazily, like she’s waking up from a deep sleep, or maybe the best dream she’s ever had.

Yeah.

That’s it.

She’s dreaming.

Soon her alarm will wail, and she’ll get up, have to start getting ready for school.

“Pinch me,” she whispers, her eyes unable to leave his.

He cradles her cheeks in his hands. “You’re not dreaming, T.”

With that, he picks up his bag and walks away, gives her a small smile and a wave as he does.

Tessa stays rooted to the spot for a long time, and when she looks down at her hands, she finds that he gave her a necklace.

There’s a silver chain, a tiny pendant in the shape of a North Star hanging in the middle of it.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” Meagan asks months later, stocking the shelves at Walmart as Tessa trails behind her.

“Because it’s gone on for too long now. I’m eight months pregnant. Besides, I’m not keeping the baby, so it’s not like he’ll need to know. He’s not the father.”

“I know, Tess. I wasn’t talking about that, although I don’t think not telling him is the best idea. I was talking about the fact that you’re so obviously in love with him.”

“I am not!” she protests loudly. Several people stare at her as she passes, and she lowers her voice. “We’re just friends, Meg. That’s all we’ll ever be.”

“I don’t believe you,” her friend singsongs, setting packages of trail mix onto the shelf in front of them.

“You don’t have to,” Tessa grumbles. “I’ve already decided that I’m not going to tell him, it’s the best idea.”

“He’s going to find out, you know. Somehow.”

“Please don’t tell him.”

Meagan rolls her eyes. “Tessa, I’m not going to do that. The last thing I want to do is get between you and Scott. I just think he’d rather hear it from you than, I don’t know, his mother.”

At this, the baby kicks. “Oh, Meagan! Ella just kicked.”

“That means she agrees with you. Meagan is right, isn’t she – Wait, Ella? I thought you weren’t keeping the baby. Didn’t want to get too attached, so you weren’t going to give her a name.”

Tessa had found out the gender shortly after dropping Scott off at the airport, and she’s been referring to the baby as Ella ever since, just in her head. This is the first time she’s said it aloud.

“I wasn’t – I’m not. It’s just, well, I want to call her something other than ‘the baby.’”

Her friend nods at this. “That makes sense. Plus, you can always just tell her new parents the name if you decide that you like it. They don’t have to use it, obviously, but it could be an option.”

“Yeah,” Tessa answers softly.

She’s been so emotional lately that it doesn’t surprise her that she tears up at the thought of someone else holding Ella. 

But it’s going to happen, of course.

She just has to be ready for it.

On July 29th, 2009, after almost 19 hours of labor, Ella makes her way into the world.

She is, without a doubt, the most beautiful baby Tessa has ever seen.

Although she may be biased. 

Only slightly.

“Do you want to hold her?” Tessa’s midwife asks. “I can just bring her downstairs to get her ready for the social worker, if you’d like.”

Tessa had opted for a home birth, and she’s glad that she did. It feels comfortable to be in her own bed, and it was the easiest option, what with the adoption and all.

Her hands reach out toward her daughter of their own accord, and once she sees Ella in her arms, she bursts into tears.

The midwife has left them alone – it’s just Tessa, Ella, her parents, and her siblings.

And suddenly, with a burst of clarity she hadn’t known she needed, she doesn’t want to give Ella up. The thought makes her cry all over again.

“I know, Tess, I know,” Kate murmurs, smoothing her daughters hair away from her face.

“I don’t want to give her up, Mom.”

“You don’t have to, Tessa,” her dad replies, and when she looks up, she sees that he’s wiping away tears. “You don’t have to.”

“It’ll be hard, I’m not going to sugarcoat it,” her mom tells her, nodding. “But if that’s what you want, I’ll go tell the midwife and the social worker.”

“That’s what I want,” Tessa replies.

She’s never been sure of anything in her whole life.

“Shhhh, Ella Jane. Why are you crying right now, baby?” she mumbles sleepily, bouncing her daughter on her knee. The two of them are sitting on the rocking chair in the corner of her room as the clock ticks toward four in the morning.

Of course, Ella doesn’t answer. She’s only two months old, after all.

Tessa’s bedroom door creaks open, and her dad comes to sit next to her.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I just can’t get her to stop crying, I’ve tried everything.”

“That’s what I’m here for, as her grandfather. And sometimes, Tess, all babies need is quiet.”

So, they sit in silence. Tessa sets her head on her dad’s shoulder, while he sits on the arm of the chair.

And eventually, Ella falls asleep.

Two more months later, she’s in the grocery store of all places, deciding on what brand of pacifier she wants to buy. Ella doesn’t like the ones that she’s just bought, and her mom told her yesterday that it’s all about trial and error.

“Shit,” she mutters, as the pacifier clutters to the ground. Thankfully it’s wrapped in plastic.

“Tessa?”

_No, no, this can’t be happening._

She scrambles to pick up the pacifier, before turning Ella’s stroller away and starting to go in the opposite direction – she’ll find somewhere else to get a pacifier, she doesn’t need to make her decision right now – but it’s too late.

Scott jogs to keep up with her. “Hey, T!”

“Um, hi,” she replies, embarrassed.

She’s still clutching the pacifier.

His eyes drift over to the stroller, where Ella is asleep, clutching her stuffed elephant.

“And who are you?” he asks in a gentle tone, peering down into the stroller.

“This is Ella.”

“Ah, is she the one getting the pacifier?”

“Yeah, I haven’t been able to figure out what brand she likes.”

Shit.

Fuck.

She doesn’t mean to say that, not at all.

Tessa worries her lip between her teeth as she meets Scott’s gaze.

Years pass before he speaks.

“I already knew, Tessa.” He answers her unasked question softly but doesn’t look up at her.

“I’m sorry, I meant to tell you – really I did, but you just . . . you seemed so excited about USC and I couldn’t bring myself to tell you–”

“You’re my _best friend_ , Tessa. Or has that changed, too?” His voice is tight with an emotion she can’t name. Anger, maybe. Hurt, too, if she really thinks about it.

“No! Of course not. That’s about the only thing that’s stayed the same, truthfully.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” Scott glances over at her then, his eyes full of tears. “I thought we told each other everything.”

“I just . . . Everything was already changing, and it was happening _so fast_ , I didn’t know what to do. I wanted one thing to stay the same. I wanted our friendship to be the way that it’s always been, easy and something that I don’t have to think twice about. Honestly, I was going to give her up for adoption. But then, I held her for the first time, and I couldn’t – I didn’t want to let her go.”

She doesn’t even realize she’s crying until Scott reaches out and delicately wipes away her tears.

“I’m not going to say that I understand, T, because I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now. But please, let me be a part of this in any way that I can. I’ll help in any way I can, even if that means you want me to go away and not be in your life while you figure things out.”

That makes her cry even harder.

“I don’t want that, Scott. The last thing I want is for you to not be my friend anymore. In fact,” She pauses to take a deep breath. Tessa can’t believe that she’s about to do this, in the yogurt aisle of all places. (She’d been walking around with the pacifier for a while, and this is where she ended up.) “Will you be Ella’s godfather?”

She swears she sees tears in Scott’s eyes as he nods. He hugs her tightly.

“Thank you, T. I would love nothing more.”

“Thank _you_ , Scott. I wasn’t sure how you would take all of this, I know it’s a shock, and it’s been a long time coming. I should’ve told you as soon as I found out. Or, well, I should’ve been more adamant about telling you.”

“It’s okay. Do you want to walk around with me? I have some things to get, but maybe after we can get lunch?”

“That sounds great. She should be waking up soon, I’m sure she’ll love to meet you.”

As the two of them go to their usual café half an hour later, Scott asks about Andrew.

“Is he in her life? How did he react?”

“He went to college in Tokyo pretty much immediately after I told him. So, no, he hasn’t been in her life, and I don’t plan for him to be, either. I don’t expect he’ll be coming home any time soon, and certainly not for a daughter he doesn’t even know.”

Ella is awake now and sitting in Scott’s lap, babbling happily as he makes silly faces at her.

His eyes flicker up to meet Tessa’s. “I’m sorry, Tessa. That really, truly, sucks.”

She shrugs. “I like that it’s just Ella and I. I mean, it’s so, so hard, but I don’t know it any other way. Of course my parents help out so much, but they haven’t tried to tell me how to parent her or anything, they’ve been really great at letting me figure it out for myself.”

“That’s good.”

“Tell me about USC. How is California?”

“Amazing. I love USC, and I . . . I met someone. Her name is Lucy, and she’s so sweet. I think you’d love her, T. I think I’m going to ask her to move in.”

“If that’s something you want, then you should go for it.”

He smiles at her. “You know, I will.”

A few days later, she and Ella take Scott back to the airport, and Tessa waves until he disappears behind the glass doors, keeps waving until long after he’s gone.

Her daughter starts crying once she sees that her mom is crying, and she shakes her head.

“Ella, Mommy is okay. Scott just had to go back to California, and she’s sad about it. But it’s okay, he’ll come home soon.”

She’s not sure if that’s true, but the North Star pendant is cool between her fingers as she fiddles with it. She’s worn it every day since he gave it to her, Tessa is surprised that it’s not worn out by now.

_Five Years Later_

“I’m sorry,” she tells the person on the other end of the phone. “The earliest meeting I can book for you is . . . November.”

“That’s not soon enough? I’m afraid I can’t do anything about that,” she replies, as the person yells.

She’s working as a receptionist for Robinson’s, Inc., a publishing house in Toronto, a job which she’s just started.

“Tess, you really should work in marketing,” Meagan tells her once she’s off the phone, leaning against her desk. “It’d be so fun to have you on my team.”

“I wish I was qualified for that. But you know that I’m working this job until I get my book published.”

The two of them had gotten hired at the same time, Meagan in the marketing department.

“I know, but you don’t know how long it’s going to be. Have you heard back from any literary agents yet?”

“I got two rejections in the mail.”

And truthfully, those had stung. She worked really hard on her query – the letter a writer sends to an agent to see if they’ll represent their work – and even harder on the novel itself, but it just isn’t what those two particular agents are looking to publish right now.

She knows that, but it’s still hard to swallow sometimes.

“Oh, Tess, I’m sorry. I know how hard you’ve been working.”

“Yeah, it sucks, but I’m not going to give up. The day I hold a finished copy of my book in my hands will be one of the happiest days of my life, and it’s something that I’ve been dreaming about since I was a little girl and I wrote my first story about a princess befriending an alien.”

Meagan laughs and checks the time on her watch. “You go, T. I should get back, but we’re still on for dinner, right?”

Tessa nods.

She’s walking through her front door hours later as her phone rings.

 _Scott_ , the caller ID says, and she instantly answers.

“Hello?”

“T, you answered! How’s it going?”

“Good, I’m about to meet Meagan for dinner here pretty soon.”

“Oh, have fun! I’ll be quick about this, I promise. Lucy and I want you to come visit! I know you have yet to meet her, but it’ll be really fun.”

He’s still in LA and still living with Lucy. Her best friend is working at a law firm, and she can’t be prouder of all that he’s accomplishing.

She finds herself saying yes before she can even think more about it, and she’s on her way to the airport two months later, Meagan is driving, and Ella is in the back seat.

“I’ll be home before you know it, E. And you’re going to have so much fun with Auntie Meg, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” five-year-old Ella grins back at her, despite the fact that she’d been crying not two minutes ago, clapping her hands together. “Can we make cookies, Auntie Meg?”

Meagan grins. “You betcha, kiddo.”

Tessa makes it to her hotel room hours later, after a delayed flight, and she’s exhausted. Her and Scott aren’t meeting until the morning – for breakfast, and then later again for dinner with Lucy, who she has yet to meet. This was the only night she’s staying at a hotel, since her flight got in so late – she’s staying with the two of them for the rest of her stay in California.

In the morning, there’s a knock at her door just as she’s getting out of the shower. A towel is wrapped around her hair and she’s already in her clothes for the day, a pair of jeans and a nice sweater.

“Coming!”

When she pulls open the door, it’s to see Scott standing on the other side, a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

“Welcome to LA, Tess! Lucy and I are so glad you’re here,” he greets, wrapping his arms around her in a hug before she has the chance to properly reply.

“I’m so happy I’m here,” she answers truthfully. She misses Ella terribly, as this is the first time she’s been away from her for an extended period of time in . . . a long time (maybe ever?), but with her best friend’s arms around her, she doesn’t think about that.

“You look beautiful today,” he tells her, as she takes the flowers and they leave the hotel.

She smiles at him. “Thank you, Scott.”

They make their way through Scott and Lucy’s doorway hours later, and Scott’s girlfriend is waiting for them, the dining room table all made up and dinner steaming on plates in front of them.

“Hi, honey,” Scott greets her, pressing a kiss to her lips.

Tessa smiles and quickly averts her gaze.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Tessa,” Lucy greets after a moment, a warm smile breaking out across her face. She has short, dark hair, bangs, and striking blue eyes, is about an inch taller than Tessa. She looks happy, and gazes at Scott with love in her eyes.

“You, too, Lucy. I’m so glad I’m finally meeting you,” Tessa responds, hugging her.

“Well, dinner is served.”

“Have you been waiting a long time, Luce?” Scott asks as the three of them sit down for dinner.

“No, no. Have you told her yet?”

He pointedly avoids her gaze.

“Scott.” Lucy’s voice is quiet, but considering Tessa is sitting across from them, she can still hear her. “You have to, she should know.”

He turns to her, his best friend, and smiles, although it looks more like a grimace, if she’s honest.

“I – We – Lucy’s – It’s–” he stammers, and his girlfriend must take pity on him because she lays her hand on his arm.

“Scott and I are expecting, a baby due in August.”

Tessa’s stomach fills with guilt. _Did he not tell me because I didn’t tell him?_

She plasters a smile on her face anyway. “That’s amazing, I’m really happy for you two.”

The next morning, she makes her way to a coffee shop down the street from Lucy and Scott’s house. There had been some tension between the two of them – Lucy and Scott – ever since she broke the news that they’re expecting, and Tessa thought it’d be good if she gave them some alone time to figure things out.

Not to mention she has some writing to get done. Two more agents have recently asked for full versions of her manuscript, and she’s about to send those out now.

 _Would it be better if I just go home?_ she can’t help but wonder as she types out the emails with her manuscripts in them and sends them off to the agents that requested them.

 _Probably_ , she ultimately decides a few hours later, but when she thinks about it, she only has one more night in LA before she flies home to Toronto, she thinks she can stick it out.

Lucy and Scott might be fighting, yes, but it’s also been really nice being back with her best friend.

As she makes her way back to their house, it’s late afternoon. The sun is beginning to set, cotton candy pinks and blues painting the sky as the sun dips below the trees.

“We have to get going, Scott!” Lucy is yelling up the stairs as Tessa steps through the front door. “Hey, Tessa. How was your day?”

“Pretty good, I got a lot of writing done, which was nice. Where are you and Scott off to?”

“I have a work dinner, and we have to be on our way. Sorry, we probably won’t see you much tonight, the dinner is about an hour away. Scott!”

“I’m coming, Luce, calm down,” he answers, and when he appears at the top of the stairs, Tessa is pretty sure her breath stops.

He’s wearing a suit, tying a tie around his neck as he makes his way down the stairs, and she thinks he looks absolutely dashing, it’s like Prince Charming has come to whisk her off into the night.

That’s when she realizes that she’s standing next to his girlfriend – his very pregnant girlfriend – and that they live on opposite sides of North America. Not to mention she’s not in love with him, not at all. 

She’s allowed to think that her best friend looks good, isn’t she?

“Sorry you’re just now finding out about this,” he tells Tessa, passing her on his way to slip his feet into his dress shoes. “It’s been planned for months, I must’ve forgot to tell you.”

“There’s a lot you’ve been forgetting to tell me,” she responds haughtily, and it’s only once the words are out of her mouth that she realizes that she had no right to say them.

Lucy and Scott turn to stare at her, both of them just as surprised by her tone as she is.

“It’s late, we should go,” Lucy is the first to break the silence, and the two of them leave without a goodbye.

After the door closes behind them, Tessa FaceTimes with Ella and Meagan, who are making cookies.

“Momma!” Ella shouts gleefully, her hands covered in cookie dough as she takes a cookie cutter and cuts out a shape, before tearing it accidentally. She bursts into tears at that, and Tessa tries not to giggle.

“Hi, baby. Are you and Auntie Meg having fun?”

“So much fun!” comes the response, and Meagan must set the phone down because she soon appears next to Ella, although the phone stays standing.

“Miss Ella, it’s almost time for bed, okay?”

“Can Momma tell me a story first?”

“If she’s up for it,” Meagan agrees, and Tessa thinks of a story to tell her on the spot.

“Of course,” Tessa answers immediately, and tells her daughter (and best friend, since she’s still in the room) a story about a dog. The dog in this particular story has been the star of many stories, a long continuous narrative that has spanned years, and Ella still loves to hear all about the dog, James.

By the time she’s finished telling the story, the five-year-old has drifted off to sleep.

“Let me just put her to bed,” Meagan tells her, “I’ll be right back.”

She disappears and comes back a few minutes later, this time takes her phone from where it’s sitting in the kitchen and heads over to the living room.

“So, how’s LA? Is Lucy nice?”

“She’s pregnant,” Tessa can’t help but say, and Meagan’s look of shock must match the one she had so poorly tried to hide the other day. “I know. And Scott didn’t tell me, which is fair. I guess I deserve it, considering all I’ve hidden from him.”

Her friend is already shaking her head. “Tessa, no. Don’t beat yourself up about that, it was a long time ago. And, God, you were still a kid.”

“Yeah, but–”

“No buts, T.”

“Okay. There’s been tension between them since she told me, it’s weird.”

“He didn’t even tell you? You’re telling me that Lucy, who you’d just met yesterday, had to tell you that she’s pregnant with your best friend’s kid because he was too nervous to?”

“Well, yeah. I guess?”

Meagan laughs, surprised. “Wow.”

“I told him that he’s been ‘hiding a lot from me,’ which I immediately felt bad about, because of everything I hid from him. I know, I know, it’s in the past, but still.”

“T, I wouldn’t sweat it. Just apologize. I still don’t know how the two of you haven’t fallen in love yet.”

 _Because we’re not in love_ , she wants to say, but she doesn’t want to argue about this. _Because he’s with someone else. Because our timing isn’t right, and I’m not sure it ever will be. Because I love him, but I’m scared if I tell him that, I’ll lose him._

“How’s Ella?” she says instead.

The subject change is obvious, but Meagan is nice enough not to say anything about it.

They talk for a little while before it gets to be too late, and then Meagan heads off to sleep. It’s only 7:30 California time, so Tessa makes herself dinner.

Just as the front door opens and Lucy and Scott come in.

“Hey, guys!” she greets with a smile, sitting at their dining room table with her laptop open. “How was the dinner?”

“Great,” Lucy replies sarcastically, throwing a look at her boyfriend, who rolls his eyes. She thunders up the stairs without another word, as Scott makes his way into the dining room.

“What are you working on?” he asks quietly, pulling out the chair across from her. The sound of it scraping against the tile is loud, and she winces. It’s only when he sits down that she finds her voice again.

“I was sending out a few emails. What happened with Lucy?”

He looks away from her. “I don’t know, she’s been in some kind of mood recently.”

“Is it because I’m here?”

“No, of course not, T.”

“I feel like I don’t even fit into your life,” she confesses softly after a few minutes have gone by.

“What do you mean?”

“We hardly ever see each other anymore, and it hurts, Scott. Why did you even invite me out here?”

“Because I wanted to spend time with my best friend.”

“Who you didn’t even tell that your girlfriend is pregnant,” she counters, unsure of where her sour mood has come from. Tessa feels like she’s reached a point where she’s just so tired of not saying the things on her mind, thoughts that she’s had for years but haven’t ever said. “Think about it, because I’ve had plenty of time to.”

“Tessa, where is this coming from?” He sounds shocked, and her heart is pounding furiously in her chest.

“I wish you had told me about this. I wish we talked more. There are a lot of things I wish for, actually.”

“You’re the one that started it,” he replies, the shocked look on his face replaced with one of anger.

“W-What?”

“You’ve hidden so much from me, Tessa, and it hurt. It hurt so badly, that now I feel like I can’t talk to you anymore.”

“Scott, that was five years ago. You need to let it go,” she tells him, despite the fact that she’d been worrying about the fact that she hid things from him a few hours ago, on the phone with Meagan.

“How can I?”

“You just do. The fact that I didn’t tell you about everything is something I regret, but it’s in the past. There’s nothing I can do about it now, I apologized, and I thought we’ve put this behind us. You could’ve said something.”

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “You’re right, and I’m sorry. You fit into my life, of course you do. I don’t know how you think you don’t, T.”

“We don’t even live in the same country anymore, Scott. I just . . . everything feels so disconnected, and maybe that is my fault. Hell, it probably is.”

“Tessa, no. God, I’m sorry.” His shoulders shake with silent tears, and she goes around to his side of the table, sits next to him.

“Shhhh, Scott, it’s okay.”

“I’m so scared, T. How do you do it?”

She blinks. “Do what?”

“Be a parent.”

It takes a second for his words to sink in, but once they do, she laughs. “I’m not laughing at you, truly. I don’t think anyone really knows that answer to that question, we’re all just winging it and doing the best we can. Besides, I bet Lucy will be a good mom, your kid will be so lucky.”

“Ella is so lucky that she has you,” Scott tells her softly, tucking her hair behind her ear and leaning his chin against her shoulder.

“I’m pretty lucky to have Ella.”

“And I’m a little worried about Lucy,” he admits a few minutes later, breaking the silence that sits between them.

“Why?”

“She’s been acting really weird since getting pregnant. I don’t know what it is.”

“Scott, her body is going through a bunch of changes right now, trust me. She’s probably just nervous.”

“Yeah, that could be.”

“Have you talked about any of this with her?”

“Uh, Lucy and I don’t . . . have the best communication skills, to be honest.”

“It’s important that you do.”

“I know.”

“Especially throughout the first few months of your child’s life. They’re not going to be able to tell you what they need, and it’s yours and Lucy’s job to figure out what that is.”

“Fuck, you’re such a good mother, T.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. Most of the time I’m just doing what I can, all of the time, actually.”

“Has Ella ever asked about her dad?”

At this, Tessa stills. “No. And I’m really scared for the day that she does.”

“Why?”

“Because . . . I don’t want her to feel like it’s anything to do with her that Andrew left. I never want her to feel like she’s anything but loved.”

“Tessa.”

Scott says her name with such tenderness that her heart melts inside of her chest. The way he’s looking at her . . .

Oh, God. She wishes this were another life and they were together.

And then she immediately feels guilty for thinking that. He has a girlfriend and a child on the way, she can’t be thinking things like that.

“Hm?” she asks instead of saying all of things she wants to.

His brown eyes are the softest she’s ever seen them, the light that’s reflected back in them is bright and shows how much love he has for her, even if it is only platonic.

“Ella has never been anything but loved, even if you didn’t know that. You love her with every ounce of your being, everything that you have. And it’s never going to be anything different. You are all she needs, Tess. You are it, for her. I bet – I bet Ella thinks you hang the moon. Because you do, you hang the moon and the rest of us pin the stars around it. There would be no me without you.”

She laughs through the tears that have started to roll down her cheeks, and she wipes them away before answering. “Yes, there would be, I’m not the reason your parents brought you into this world.”

He groans. “I was trying to be sweet and sentimental.”

“I know, Scott. And I’m touched, really. Thank you.”

“Ella is the luckiest person alive, because she gets to spend the rest of her life in your life.”

She smacks his arm softly, playfully. “What, are you friend-breaking-up with me?”

“No.”

“Then you get to spend the rest of your life in my life, too. You’ve been in it this long, I don’t plan for you to not be in it anymore. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without you. As long as we’re a part of each other’s lives, everything will be alright.”

He smiles, and her heart squeezes at the sight. He just looks so fucking happy that she wishes she could bottle this up and never forget it. “I love you, Virtch.”

“Love you too, Scott.”

“Mommy, I love you very much, but I . . .” Ella starts a few months later, as the two of them are eating dinner.

“What is it, baby?”

“I was wondering if I’ll ever get a Dad,” she states before immediately closing her mouth, like she shouldn’t have said anything.

The way she says it, so simply, almost makes Tessa laugh. 

If she weren’t halfway to crying, she certainly would be laughing.

“I don’t know,” she admits truthfully, her voice on the verge of breaking.

“Okay.” Ella shrugs and turns back to her food without another question.

That night, after putting her daughter to bed, Tessa starts thinking. Wondering what it would be like if Andrew were in their lives.

It’s not like the two of them ever dated (they were only together for Homecoming, and then she only saw him around school after that), so she has no idea what that would be like.

Maybe she should’ve given him more of a chance. 

He was 18, for fuck’s sake, he probably didn’t want to parent with someone he didn’t know.

She closes her eyes.

_Andrew, if you’re willing, there’s someone who would like to meet you very much, I think. She hasn’t talked about you a lot, but I know she thinks about you sometimes. She must. For the first time ever, she brought you up at dinner. Well, not you specifically, but her father._

_I hadn’t known what to tell her, and if she ever asks what you’re like I don’t think I’ll have an answer for that, either. All I know about you is that you used to play soccer, but that was five years ago, and that the night you got me pregnant, the sex was quick, not exactly what I was expecting for a first time, but that’s not something I necessarily want to tell our daughter._

_Like, not even when she’s 30._

_I don’t even know that she’ll meet you, or if you want to meet her. But if you do, I think . . . I think I’d like that. Ella should know her father._

Tessa’s changed her mind. Ella doesn’t need to know her father.

He’s infuriating, and he won’t leave her alone. 

On a random Tuesday at the end of April, about a month after Ella asked about what it would be like to have a father, Andrew shows up at Robinson’s, Inc., with a bouquet of flowers and apologies, excuses, dripping from his lips.

“I’d like to meet my daughter, Tessa,” he says, standing in front of her desk as she types on her computer and pointedly ignores him.

“I’ll get a restraining order against you if you don’t leave me the fuck alone,” she retorts, but looks over at him anyway. “What makes you all of a sudden want to be in your daughter’s life? Where have been for the first five years of it, huh? You didn’t have to go through the sleepless nights and the long days.”

“I can’t stop thinking about her, Tess. She–”

“You don’t get to call me that. Tessa only, please.”

“Fine, Tessa. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Elsie–”

“Her name is Ella. If you’re going to be in her life, get her _name_ right.”

“Ella. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Ella; I have to meet her. Please?”

And then he gives her fucking puppy dog eyes. She sighs, not having the patience for this to keep going (and, admittedly, she _is_ curious about what kind of father, what kind of person, Andrew is), so she says that he can meet her, but he has to work around Tessa and Ella’s schedule.

“It will not, under any circumstances, be the other way around,” she tells him sternly,  
eyebrows raised.

“Understood.”

Andrew meets Ella on the first Wednesday in May, when Tessa invites him over for dinner.

She’s spent all this time thinking about how she’s going to break it to Ella (who she’s going to introduce him as, mostly), but then decides that since he wants to be in her life, he can decide what he wants to be. Tessa doesn’t want to have her calling him dad, because, well, she’s not so sure if he wants to be in their lives permanently.

He hasn’t mentioned anything other than this first meeting.

“Ella, would you come here please? There’s someone I want you to meet,” she calls.

Her daughter – _their_ daughter, she thinks with a look at the man standing in the doorway, although that makes her uncomfortable to think about, it’s so foreign – toddles into the room, a box of crayons in her hand.

“Hello,” she says politely, as Andrew bends down to meet her.

“Why hello there, Miss Ella. I’m Andrew.”

“Are you one of Mommy’s friends?”

He looks to Tessa for help, but she shrugs. She doesn’t know what to say, either.

“Yes,” he answers, “I’m one of your mom’s friends. We knew each other a very long time ago.”

“Okay,” Ella replies, and that’s that.

When the three of them sit down to dinner, it’s not as bad as Tessa is expecting. Different, sure, because she’s used to conversing only with a five-year-old and not an adult, but other than that, it goes pretty well.

Once Ella is asleep, Tessa turns to him.

“So, what do you think?”

“What do I . . . think? Of Ella, you mean?”

She rolls her eyes. “No, of my cooking. Yes, I mean Ella.”

“She’s adorable. I’d really like to be in her life, Tessa. If you’ll have me.”

“How do weekly Wednesday dinners work?” she asks, unsure if he’ll actually accept. Unsure if she wants him to.

“Perfect. I’ll see you next Wednesday, then?”

She nods as she closes the door behind him.

Fuck.

She didn’t expect to actually _like_ him. Have feelings for him, that is.

Didn’t expect their weekly Wednesday dinners to turn into him staying the night, and then to him leaving a pile of his clothes in the corner of her room.

It doesn’t happen all at once, of course. Between the first time they meet and now, it’s been about eight months. Ella’s sixth birthday has come and gone, and Tessa finds that she very much likes being a part of this little family.

When she tells Andrew that she has feelings for him, he looks at her like she’s just said the most amazing thing in the world. Kisses her sweetly before repeating the sentiment back to her.

Two months later, they’re married. She knows it’s fast, but it feels right. She sends Scott an invitation, but he never RSVPs nor says anything about it when she talks to him on the phone, so she assumes that it got lost in the mail.

Ella is the world’s cutest flower girl, it’s all her parents can talk about. It’s all anyone can talk about, but her parents won’t stop gushing about her.

Tessa feels happy, content, with her life. Some things just weren’t meant to be, and that’s okay.

Until it isn’t.

Tessa calls Lucy two weeks after Ella’s seventh birthday, because she hasn’t heard from him in a while and figures that if anyone knows where he is, it’d be his girlfriend.

“Hello?” she answers.

“Hi, Lucy.”

“Tessa. How nice to hear from you.”

Her tone suggests the opposite, but Tessa chooses to ignore it.

“Is Scott home? I haven’t heard from him in a while.”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Um, no?”

The line goes quiet for so long that she thinks Lucy may have hung up on her by accident.

“Lucy? Are you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m just surprised he didn’t tell you. Scott moved back to Toronto four months ago, right before you and Andrew got married. We broke up.”

“He’s . . . he’s here, in Toronto?”

“Yeah.”

“And he knew I was getting married?”

“Yeah,” she repeats. “I found the invitation in an empty desk drawer shortly after he left.”

“Oh.”

“Um, well, he’s not here and I’m in the middle of something, so . . . Goodbye, Tessa.”

“Bye, Lucy.”

She feels like she should say something else – would _have a nice life_ be too insensitive? She doesn’t mean it in a rude way, she genuinely liked Lucy; she made Scott happy for a long time – but the click that indicates Scott’s ex-girlfriend hung up sounds before she can get the words out.

Tessa tries Scott next, and leaves him a long, rambling voicemail about how much she misses him and to call her back, whenever he gets the chance. She apologizes about four times, but she doesn’t even know what she’s apologizing for.

_Unsent text messages:_

_To: Scott | 9:32 p.m._

_I heard about what happened with Lucy, please let me know everything’s okay_

_To: Scott | 9:37 p.m._

_I miss you, I wish things were different. Do you ever wish things were different?_

_I feel like I’ve been doing a lot of wishing lately_

_To: Scott | 9:50 p.m._

_You’re my best friend_

_To: Scott | 10:01 p.m._

_I love you, Scott. So much_

_Delete, delete, delete, delete._

_**You have 0 unsent text messages.** _

It’s a month later, a nondescript sweltering day in August, when Scott texts her, out of the blue. 

At first Tessa wonders if she accidentally sent one of those messages, and she’s mortified, but then she remembers that she deleted them all from her unsent folder. That night after talking to Lucy, she’d let herself get too caught up in her feelings, something that hasn’t happened since and won’t happen again, as long as she can help it.

**Scott | 2:35 p.m.**

**I left Lucy a few months ago. I was too afraid to tell you, and I know we said that we’d be better about this sort of thing, about communicating, but this . . . I felt so lost, T.**

**The baby wasn’t even mine. It was someone she works with.**

**I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.**

**It just hurt too much, and I wanted to wallow for a little while**

She calls him after reading the fourth text, and thankfully he picks up.

“Hello?” he asks, despite having caller ID and knowing who it is that’s calling.

“Scott, I’m so sorry, about everything Lucy. She . . . told me, last month, and I wanted to reach out, but I didn’t know how you were handling it. I didn’t know if you wanted me to tell you that I would talk to you. But I know you were excited about being a father, and I’m sorry you don’t get to have that.”

“Tessa, it’s okay. I’m glad that you’re calling, actually. What’s happened to us? We used to talk all the time, what went so wrong?”

“Nothing went wrong, Scott. Life happened, we went our separate ways.”

“Do you ever think about what would happen if things were different?”

_Yes. All the time._

_In what way?_

She wants to say all of this and more, but she doesn’t. Instead she swallows those words down and tells the biggest lie she’s ever told him (and that’s really saying something). “No.”

“Not in a bad way, like . . . I’m not talking about us being together or anything, just, if you’d gone to USC, maybe.”

“But then I wouldn’t have Ella, and I don’t know who I’d be if I didn’t have Ella.”

“I guess you’re right.” He hangs up before she can reply, and her heart cracks open. It doesn’t break, just cracks.

_Five years later_

“Mom, I have to get to ballet!” Ella yells.

Tessa swipes her hand across her forehead. She’s exhausted; she hasn’t been sleeping well, for reasons unknown to her. 

“Let’s get in the car, then!” she yells back, and her ten-year-old daughter comes bounding down the stairs.

“Sorry,” she’s out of breath. “I was looking for my lucky hair tie. You and Dad are going to be at my recital tonight, right?”

“Your father’s leaving for a business trip tonight, remember? But I’ll be there.”

Ella flashes her a grin as she climbs into the backseat. “Awesome.”

Later that day, Tessa is typing on her computer when the bell over the door rings. She looks up to see Scott’s high school ex-girlfriend, Kaitlyn Weaver. She’s a famous blogger who has just signed a book deal with Robinson’s, Inc., the publisher that Tessa works for.

“Kaitlyn! What a surprise to see you,” she greets, and Kaitlyn pushes her sunglasses up into her hair.

“Hey, Tessa. I have a meeting at 12.”

“Yep, go right on up. I’ll let Meagan know you’re here, she’s going to be doing the marketing for your book.”

“Awesome.”

“Meg, Kaitlyn is here,” she calls across the room, where Meagan’s office is.

“I’ll be up to the conference room in a minute!”

After that, she doesn’t think of Kaitlyn Weaver. 

Or, well, she won’t for a few months, anyway.

When she gets home from Ella’s ballet recital that night, there’s an email waiting for her in her inbox, which she won’t see until the morning, but it will most certainly change her life. 

The next morning, Tessa wakes up, and leaves her phone plugged into the charger as she makes her way downstairs to make some coffee.

Twenty minutes later, she’s finished eating breakfast, and heads up to her room to grab her phone. It’s Sunday, which means that Ella will most likely sleep for a few more hours, so she lies on her bed and checks her email.

She spots the email from her literary agent, who is in the process of selling her book. The email was sent yesterday at 8:57 p.m.

All the email says is: _Call me whenever you get a chance._

Heart pounding, she calls her agent.

“Tessa, HarperCollins wants to publish your book.”

She’s pretty sure her joyful sobs can be heard all throughout Canada. She has to mute the call and calm herself down before talking more to her agent, Sophie.

Ella comes into her room just as she gets off the phone. “Mom, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, E. Everything’s fantastic. My book is going to be published. People can buy it, someday.”

“Oh my God, Mom! That’s amazing,” she exclaims, wrapping her in a hug.

And it is, it so is.

Life isn’t so amazing two months later, when she comes home to find Andrew having sex on the couch with one of his coworkers.

It’s difficult to come to terms with, because she really, truly, loves him.

Breaking the news to Ella – that they’re getting divorced – is hard, but what Tessa doesn’t expect is for her daughter to ask why. She also doesn’t expect Andrew to tell her that he met someone, and after that, Ella is upset, and sad.

As she should be. Tessa is, too, and the two of them spend many nights sitting at their kitchen table, talking through everything.

“Until your dad came back into your life, it was just the two of us, E,” she says, a month later.

“Wait, Dad hasn’t always been in my life?”

“No, not until you were five.”

Ella’s quiet for a moment. The only thing Tessa can think of is that she should’ve told her that sooner.

“Is it true, then? What I’ve heard Auntie Meg tell you?”

She looks at her daughter with her eyebrows knit together. “What does Auntie Meg say?”

“About you and Scott.”

“Oh, no. No, I think our time has passed. We’re just friends, and that’s all we’re ever going to be.”

“Why?”

Tessa wishes it were that simple. She takes a deep breath, not really knowing how to explain this, and once she’s done talking, she’s not even sure that it makes sense. “Sometimes, things just aren’t meant to be. But that’s okay, because we’re always exactly where we’re supposed to be.”

She gets the invite by email, of all things. One of those e-vites, and as it opens itself, angels sing. It’s all a bit . . . what would Ella say? “Extra”?

Yeah, it’s very extra.

_Scott and Kaitlyn would like you to join them for their wedding on the 7th of July, 2019 . . ._

Her phone rings with a FaceTime call the second she stops reading. Oh, the irony.

“Scott, congratulations,” she answers with a smile, “I just got the email.”

“Oh, shit, I was hoping to get to you before you checked it. But thanks, we’re pretty excited.”

“I didn’t even know the two of you were together.”

“Oh, Tessa!” Kaitlyn pops into the screen, grinning widely. “It’s all because of you.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“Well, technically it was Meagan. She mentioned to me during the first marketing meeting that Scott is single, so I decided to reach out.”

“Via Instagram,” Scott rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling.

“That’s . . . certainly different,” Tessa replies, feeling surprised but trying not to show it.

“I know, right? Anyway, I called to ask if you would be the Best Woman. My Best Woman.”

“Instead of a Best Man,” Kaitlyn supplies, like there might be a chance that Tessa has no idea what she’s talking about.

“Oh, of course! I would be honored.”

Tessa doesn’t like giving speeches. Doesn’t like all of the attention, although she supposes she should get over that now that she’s going to have a book published and is going to have to talk to a lot of people about it (probably. Hopefully).

During this particular speech, she gets all emotional, and weepy. She sees Ella grinning at her, Scott and Kaitlyn beaming at her, and knows that she has to make this right.

“Everyone, if I could have your attention! I’m so – So honored to be here, really. Scott is my best friend, has been ever since we were both in kindergarten and, well, I promised him I wouldn’t tell any embarrassing stories tonight since he’s getting married and all. In fact, I can’t remember a time when he hasn’t been in my life.

“He told me once that I was his North Star, which, honestly, my ten-year-old brain couldn’t wrap my head around it. He was such a romantic, even at 10. I knew he would make someone so very happy someday. I’m so glad that person is Kaitlyn.

“Scott, you’re my best friend, and you’ll always be. No one makes you happier than Kaitlyn, but I’ll always have your back, no matter what. I’ll always be there for you, and I’ll always love you so, so much.”

 _I wish we were getting married_ , she wants to say, it just wasn’t our time. She doesn’t say any of that. Can’t. Won’t. A little bit of all three.

“Platonically, of course. Now, if you’ll all please raise a glass to the happy couple, Scott and Kaitlyn!”

As Tessa makes her way back to her seat, she realizes that Ella is no longer sitting there.

“Hey, T. That was the best sp–” Scott starts from behind her, and she turns around so fast to face him that she almost falls over.

“Ella’s not here. She’s not where I left her, Scott.”

He takes her hand and leads her through the venue, something she only goes through the motions of. She doesn’t know what she’d do without him, because she can’t think of anywhere to look.

“She’s probably just in the bathroom, Tess. Come on, we’ll find her.”

Eventually, they find Ella outside, staring out into the city lights below them.

“Ella!” Tessa rushes over to her, wraps her daughter in a tight hug. “I was so scared, I didn’t know where you were!”

“Mom, I’m fine,” her daughter replies. “I just . . . Your speech made me realize that . . . You know my friend, Ollie?”

“Yes,” Tessa says, as Scott catches up to them, confused as to what Ollie has to do with Tessa’s speech.

“Well, your speech made me realize that, um, Ihavefeelingsforhim.”

“What? Sorry, I couldn’t understand that.”

“She said that she has feelings for him,” Scott pipes in.

“Oh. Ella, it’s okay. You’re allowed to have feelings for your friend.”

“But isn’t that weird? That would be like . . . if you two had feelings for each other.”

“We’re just friends,” Scott says, laying a hand on Ella’s shoulder. “But you can’t help who you have feelings for, E.”

“I think you should tell him. Otherwise years might go by and nothing will happen.” Tessa isn’t sure if she’s talking about her daughter and Ollie or herself and Scott, but it doesn’t matter, because Ella nods and runs back inside before the two adults can even blink.

He turns to her. “T, do you remember your 18th birthday?”

“That was ten years ago, Scott. I remember I got really drunk.”

“Do you remember that we kissed?”

“No? I’m pretty sure that didn’t happen.” If it had, she definitely would’ve remembered.

“It did, but I never told you because you said that you were embarrassed and you didn’t want me to tell anyone about it, so I didn’t.”

“Oh, my God. I meant I was embarrassed about the fact that I passed out. I had no idea that we kissed.”

He smiles softly at her. “Well, it’s in the past now. Don’t worry about it.”

_One year later_

The day she’s been waiting almost her whole life for is here: the launch of her first book.

Tessa is having a launch party at the bookstore down the street from her house, and she has to give a speech.

This time, she doesn’t really mind.

She signs copies of her book after doing a Q & A, and, honestly, she’s so thrilled that people are even here, supporting her.

A small part of her hopes that Scott will show up, but as it gets down to the last few people, she doesn’t even think about it. All she does is stay in the moment.

She’s sure he won’t, considering she saw on Facebook that he and Kaitlyn have gotten divorced. 

She should reach out to him.

Ella is asleep behind the table she’s signing at, her head resting on her elbows. Tessa wishes that she was asleep, too, honestly.

She looks up at the last person in line and her breath catches in her throat. “Scott.”

He slides his book across the table, beaming at her. “Hi, Tessa. You finally did it, your book is out in the world.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” she tells him, tearing up, as she flips to the title page and writes her inscription.

_Scott, thanks for always supporting me, no matter what life has thrown our way._

And then she looks at him, Sharpie still poised in the air, and adds onto it.

_You’ll always be my North Star._

She closes the book and gives it back to him.

“Read the inscription.” She’s feeling brave, even as her heart thuds in her chest.

He does, leans across the table and kisses her, long, slow, and sweet.

“I love you,” he says softly, gazing into her eyes, as she stands and comes around the table, stands in front of him.

“I’ve always loved you, even if I wouldn’t let myself admit it,” she whispers, as she threads her arms around his neck.

He pulls away, touches his forehead to hers the same way he did at the airport years ago. Lifetimes ago. “Do you think it’s our time now?”

“Yes,” Tessa answers, presses her lips to his again, letting her eyes fall closed as he deepens the kiss.

As they kiss, it’s everything she’s dreamed about for a long, long time.

**Author's Note:**

> It's the last day of RTR, and while I didn't get the chance to see it, I hope those of you who did had the best time.
> 
> Just wanted to let you all know that I'll still be writing (there's an update of "Wildest Dreams" coming tomorrow), I'm not going anywhere.
> 
> I hope you liked this. Let me know what you think, if you'd like! Title is from Maggie Rogers' "Love You For a Long Time."


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